Even the strongest, most optimistic person could hit bad patches in life and felt unbelievably disappointed and disheartened. That was me a few days ago.
I guess, every new day is a better day as I recover from the shock of an unexpected decision from the training committee. I know that there are rules and regulations governing all professional bodies, especially in a tightly-regimented country, but I was caught off-balance at the finality. 9 months of delay is not very long...a small blip in the course of eternity. However, for me personally, the deep anguish was due to the fact that I have high expectations upon myself and I set very high standards for my personal goals and dreams. I thought I could enter into advanced training sooner rather than later.
Yet I'm reminded gently by much-wiser counsellors that time is not a benchmark of excellence. I also consoled myself that the events that occured is not because of my mistakes or because I made a wrong decision in the first place. Furthermore, the surgeon who graduated the fastest doesn't mean that he/she is the best. I thank God that I am reminded to be humble and grateful for the chance to be here and to receive solace and counsel from such wonderful seniors.
Not only that, a lot of people prayed for me, before and after the news. I know it's due to the power of prayer and love that I am able to recover back to my usual rejoicing and cheerful self today, with just a tinge of sadness at leaving this team (and department) for a short while.
In the meantime, I think I have outlined in my heart, a battle plan in the next few months to further improve in my training as a researcher and also a surgeon. This energy and new determination unleashed in me a new force unlike before, as I vow to do the best in wherever I'm posted. I'll not let anyone down, especially myself. With the Lord as my guide, witness and protector, I know that this challenge in life shall make me a stronger person and spur greater spiritual and personal growth....