Sunday, October 7, 2012

Exhaustion and existence

Somewhere and sometime between being a surgeon, researcher, teacher, fiancee, student, daughter, sister..I lost myself in the buzz of things. I was totally drained out at one point this week, so much so that I almost fell asleep during a dinner on Friday with a group of new friends. It it almost unthinkable for a surgeon to doze off during company, but shamefully, I did on Level 33 overlooking Marina Bay.

Brings me to the topic of exhaustion and rest. Rest is so important to me right now at this point of the year that I couldn't think of anything else but to lay my head down to rest. It reminded me of days in HKL as a houseman, where I existed from day to day. The past 2 months seem to be a whirlwind of activities as I completed my daily tasks and wondered on when I could really slow down...I told myself that November. November will be the month that I could relax, after my semester exams. But then again, is it true rest? What am I truly achieving in the long run?

This morning's sermon by Pastor D. Yeo woke me up to reality self worth is not equivalent to performance and others' approval. Self worth is God's truth about us. We are co-heirs, royal priesthood. When I operate, teach, study, talk..I must feel God's pleasure upon me. I guess with that in mind, I cease to put this self-imposed pressure upon myself and learn to rest in His presence.

On an interesting note, my house hunting has been put to hiatus due to the inopportune timing of the bull market and the extreme greed in the housing market. Then this morning, one of my relatives reminded me that I couldn't have gotten a resale HDB so early before my wedding anyway. This proves to me that God knows the best timing for me and His awesome plan comes to my rescue again. I don't need to worry but He is my provider and shelter, my help and comforter...